Sentiments.
1. It is so HOT HOT HOT HOT here.
Chilly wind, triple layers, winter boots and hoodie have been part and parcel of my life over there. I'm happy with a 10 degree Celsius. When the temperature dipped to around 5, it became really uncomfortable. According to my friends there, it just gotten colder since I've left. So, yeah. I'm used to the cold and Malaysia is really really REALLY warm. I think I'll switch back to normal in a few days. The stupidest thing that happened. I was travelling from London to the airport, and of course, I wrapped up like sushi, when I landed, I took of my outer coat, and tada, I was melting!!! I just kicked off my boots after I reached home, and swore to myself that I'm not wearing them ever in Malaysia. Honestly, now I realized how ironic it is to wear boots in Malaysia, unless they are for vanity purposes. Wait, WHAT? nonono, that is not right. Heels look much better, anytime.
2. I'm having a vacation, not a holiday
According to my friend's supervisor, we are to VACATE our rooms, not take a holiday. I proudly declare that I've brought 4 books back to Malaysia. To my dismay, my coursemates easily lugged 10 back to their own respective countries. SERIOUSLY? I sacrificed one maths book just because I figured that it is not worth it to lug a 1.2 kg text book around London, and I really regret that decision.
3.I'm becoming a nerd
I will be frustrated if someone steals my books. Please, do not steal my books. I have to study! Not because of "kiasu". It is because I did not follow lectures during the infamous 8 weeks term ( although I think I'll die doing a 12 weeks term).
4. I've learnt not to compare workload
It just backfires. When I try to vent to people in the same university, it hits me pretty hard that everyone is facing equally or tougher challenges. Defeats the purpose of venting since it would be interpreted as whiny. ( ? ) At least that is what I feel when people start to complain far too much about their work, because I have to do my work too. Once in awhile is fine, throughout the 8 weeks will be stretching it too far. (Although I shall admit that I'm one of the more vocal complainers.) Then you might ask, just whine and irritate your friends from other universities! That doesn't really work as well. They have their own work too! and honestly, I feel that some might think that we are exaggerating the workload, or not. Anyways, it just made me feel worse knowing that I could have chosen an easier life ( at least for Michealmas 2011). So I will hold my seniors' advice to heart, just do what you have to do, study SMART, cut corners ( strategically ), skim through journals and don't compare your workload with other people doing the same course, it just make things more difficult for you.
5. University is a place to challenge you, if not there is no point in going at all.
My lecturer said that. After that I just stopped complaining. It is meant to be hard, if it is easy, there is no point travelling halfway across the world to study. The work broke me time and time again. Mental breakdowns were common during week 6. I just cried and stayed in my room, feeling all stressed out. I crashed in my friends' rooms because that will stop me from wallowing in my self-created pool of depression. Some of you might be wondering, "oh DAMN, was it that bad????" It felt like that at that point of time, and I talked to my CuMas mom, tearing up when she understood how I felt completely, because she felt the same a year ago. Oh dear dear, how lucky I am to have her as my mum. After awhile, I sort of gotten used to the degree of toughness and just pull my socks up, stick my chin up high, stride on with sheer perseverance.
6. Friendships and College
College feels like home. I felt a twinge of sadness when I moved out for winter, knowing that I will not be there for quite some time. I have been through a lot in a matter of 2 months. Meeting such good friends, who all supported me through thick and thin. Smiled with me, and watched me cry. College mates are awesome!
Then friendships in general. I now know that some are meant to be broken, and I should have done that since the beginning. The end was visible, but I chose to believe, have faith.Then, my faith just dwindled over time. I shall bid my goodbye, and I hope I won't turn back. It is time to wave and leave with dignity. Do not expect to hear from me anytime soon, I will expect the same. This doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt. It does, a lot, and you probably had no idea how much courage and tears it took me to make this decision.
On the other hand, I have gained some precious friendships. They feel like family. =) 2 months. Just 2 months. And I wonder, how did it happen??? I know that some higher power is watching over me, guiding me as I make my choices and pull me through week 6, and I thank God for that.
All in all, I'm good!
I just need stardeee and hopefully I get to do some decent amount of work before lent term starts!
