We talked, and I enjoyed it immensely. Somehow I feel a little impertinent, but nothing extreme for that matter. I am put in the middle, again. Just because I'm born a middle child, doesn't warrant such a treatment! (pun intended) . I was stressed out, and both of you know it (and those that I've told) , I appreciate the confidence that you guys have in me. but sometimes, I'd rather not know because i feel helpless, seeing cries of help and standing on the highest middle ground. At the same time, i feel happy because i know its not particularly stifling. There are no sides, if i'm not with you doesn't mean that i'm with her, vice versa. I do not want you both to be put in corners, without space to negotiate, yet i know, friendship looks pretty fragile or pretty non-existent for now. and i care. that is the problem.
The whole of July. What I've gone through is a small matter. Looking back, I understood why i felt that way. I don't want to head towards that any more. But i know. i might. BUT NO ! the tugging of the heart and the pulling of the brain. sorry that i've thought out loud.
I have to leave. Abruptly. see you all.
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