Getting used to . . .

July is a whole new month. A month where I have to get used to lots of things. Staring at the relatively blank laptop screen, touching my tablet aimlessly, feeling the drought of the mellifluous little things, patching up loose spots, tying knots, and moving on. Trying to empty myself with belligerent thoughts and be in peace. College chapter has come to an end, hanging on to the insignificant yet highly sentimental memories bring me comfort yet its a drug. I must stop revisiting them and lamenting about loss time. A month void of that would bring me up, standing on land again, not swaying with the rhythm of the ocean, of which you command. Emotions and time will not be tied by the wind you brought upon and I will be a hawk, or something more impressive, soaring above, moving back to the inherent introvert personality of mine, much more independent. Easier said than done.

Today , the last day of June. Feeling depressed is an exaggeration, but I'm not exactly happy nor sad. It is like balancing on a thin strip of straw, and being tethered to something unpredictable. Nightmares had plagued me, not as scary as they were before, but they drained me of energy. Feeling guilt as I see the clock ticks away, and head towards the phone. Being so unmotivated is so unlike myself and it scares me. Where was the drive to do something bigger than myself?Where was the passion to read? and i shall stop asking these rhetoric questions.

It amazes me. How somebody can be so strong in facing death. Blaming nothing. Not God, not friends, not teachers, not family. Embracing the facts as it is, being so brave and having such a big heart. He shared, cried, grieved, and hopefully the bigger part of him can move on, as I know a part of his heart has been left behind, and I pray that his family finds peace.

A song that keeps playing in my head.

Air supply. Making love out of nothing at all.

I know just how to whisper And I know just how to cry I know just where I find the answers And I know just how to lie I know just how to fake it And I know just how to scheme I know just when to face the truth And then I know just when to dream And I know just where I touch you And I know just what to prove I know when to pull you closer

And I know when to let you loose

And I know the night is fading And I know the time�s gonna fly And I�m never gonna tell you everything I gotta tell you

But I know I�ve got to give it a try

And I know the roads to riches And I know the ways to pain I know all the rules and then I know how to break�em

And then I always know the name of the game

But I don�t know how to leave you And I�ll never let you fall And I don�t know how you do it

Making love out of nothing at all

Making love Out of nothing at all Making love Out of nothing at all Making love Out of nothing at all Making love Out of nothing at all Making love Out of nothing at all Making love

Out of nothing at all

Everytime I see you, well the rays of the sun are all Streaming through the waves in your hair And every star in the sky is taking aim at your eyes Like a spotlight The beating of my heart is a drum and it�s lost And it�s looking for a rhythm like you You can take the darkness from the deep of the night And turn it to a beacon burning endlessly bright I gotta follow it �cause everything I know

Well, it�s nothing �till I give it to you

I can make the runner stumble I can make the final block And I can make every tackle at the sound of the whistle

And I can make all the stadiums rock

I can make tonight forever Or I can make it disappear by the dawn And I can make you every promise that�s ever been made

And I can make all your demons be gone

But I�m never gonna make it without you Do you really wanna see me crawl ? And I�m never gonna make it like you do

Making love out of nothing at all

Making love

Out of nothing at all...

Oh, and what are words by Chris Medina =)