Untitled

For good reasons.

I've been praying more lately.

Hmmm.. oh yes.. sometimes i am very religious..

I do pray daily but pious? maybe not as my understanding of my religion is shamefully little.

I hope that i have a bigger heart. and i pray that i can remove the tinted glasses that I myself created.

Humans are equal. I need to see that. But now although i know it as a fact, practically I cannot do it. =( I am still constrained by history, personality and characteristics of a person. I cannot separate myself from all these influence. It should not influence how i treat a person.

It should not x infinity.

But yet i do.

If my trust is betrayed, yes, i will never ever treat you the same way.

I was taught to be forgiving, be a loving friend, I am no such person. =C

Friends mean a whole lot to me, but I dont have a lot of them.

Friends for me :

Friends that i will help unconditionally.

Friends that i will not judge.

Friends that i'm sure of their noble hearts.

Friends that i will stick up for.

Friends that i will sacrifice for.

Friends that i will care for.

Friends that i hope will stay by me forever, no matter how long that is.

Friends that i will treat like family.

Perhaps that is what others call close friends.

But if i stay true to the path of honesty, I cannot make myself call some stranger "friend" as in reality we might have just spoken once and he/she is a "friend" in facebook, but if anything arises, he/she might not care. I cannot make myself call them friends. ( this is a super bad characteristic, one to be shamed )

So,

I ask myself.

Why do i keep my social circle so tight.

Why am i so comfortable with my current friends that i do not see the need to wander out and mix around.

Why am I such a social failure.

Why i stick to my principles so much that sometimes i do not forgo a crack.

And,

I pray and hopefully with some divine help I will see the way to rid myself of all these negativities.

Lastly,

With this post as a reminder, I will try hard to change =)